Themes Are Important, Too
by YumiDoesTheMacarena
Summary: Sometimes, it's impossible to deny just how amazing Sanji is while cooking...  This is a series of one-shots based on single word prompts. Just FYI.
1. Dogs

Hey, now... why isn't 'Straw Hat Crew' a character option? Other than the obvious I mean. There are plenty of stories about the whole crew(?) that end up getting labeled as being about one or two characters... Or is that not the case? I think that's the case... On that note, there will **definitely **be more to this one, just updated irregularly. Why irregularly? Because I have a single document on my computer with *double checks*... Ah, yes. Six variations of hundred themes lists, a fifty-prompt one sentence challenge, and exactly one _two_ hundred themes list... Oh yeah, plus one that I typed up for myself at school for 'recreation'. (What are the others for, you ask, if not recreation? Heh... those are for whatever, stories or vignettes (which I do a lot of, as you will see) or poetry... But all for OP. The other one is for me original creations.)

This is, again, a One Piece fanfiction written by a fan for fans, and I own the story, but not the characters. I also don't own the quote I am so brutally ripping off.

Tagline (because it really isn't a summary...): A single vignette about Luffy's... immaculate... uh, logic. Because it really does make sense. OR: She should have known better than to quote abstracts around Luffy...

Anyway, inspiration knocked on my door again, but this time when I opened it, inspiration was looking the other way and kept knocking, so I now have a headache because it hit me...

Enjoy!

* * *

**Dogs**

When her semi-new captain had bounded over, as rubber a bundle of excitement as ever, he had grabbed the top of her book, pushing it down and moving his face almost kiss-close to hers. Not pulling back at all, Robin noticed out of the corner of her eye that the blond cook had immediately begun fuming—red in the face, steam from his ears, the whole nine yards.

The woman raised one dark brow. "Yes?"

"Watcha doin'?"

She lifted the book slightly, pressing it against his hand as a reminder. "I'm reading."

"Oh." He looked so crestfallen, pulling back to his knees with a pout so adorable that she almost smiled. Then he looked up. "Why?" he insisted. "There's plenty of other fun things to do... like Sanji and Zoro imitations, or watching them fight, or Chopper imitations—you're good at those!—and... Usopp's stories—ooh, ooh, and his inventions and... Uhh..." he trailed off, seemingly unable to come up with anything else to do on a peaceful day at sea, though her list was plenty long.

Humoring him, she closed her book and leaned forward, resting one elbow on her crossed knees and propping the other under her chin. "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend," she quoted easily. "That's why I'm reading."

Luffy nodded seriously and began to push to his feet. "That makes sense," he said solemnly, shocking the peanut gallery. Then he continued, nodding again and staring out over the blue sea, the sun beating pleasantly down upon them, for an entire minute as he chewed his bottom lip, clearly thinking quite hard on a matter of some (comparative, as it was Luffy after all) importance.

Seeming to have come to a conclusion he turned away, moving towards the stairs even as he stated quite firmly, "Because inside of a dog it'd be too dark to read."

!OMAKE!

"... Did he just say that?"

The question was asked, sounding strangled, by a dumbstruck Sanji as he stared at the rubber boy who was now running to the aft deck, presumably to bother Zoro.

Robin's smile was unusually broad when she looked over to the blond man; that really had been too funny. "Yes, Cook-san, I think he did. Wouldn't you agree, Navigator-san?" she prompted, eyes flickering over to the girl... rather, to where she had been. The redhead had sunk to her knees, one hand clinging to the railing as she sobbed in frustration, one hand pressed tightly over her mouth muffling the noise. Standing, the historian set aside her book and walked over to the pained girl while Sanji began shouting obsceneties at the boy for making Nami cry.

Patting the orange head gently, she answered her own question. "That would be a yes."

* * *

... Do I really need to say anything? Oh, something in my defense? Okay... Sorry...?

_...the blond cook..._

I, personally, see this as happening not too long after they leave Arabastan waters, so she isn't very familiar with the crew members identities. Or it can be any time before Water 7. Oh, but not on Sky Island...

I don't usually do Omake _anything_ (thus the question mark there). But I also saw no reason to resist. The story, such as it is, was over, but something vaguely amusing happened afterwards—why not mention it? It's no punchline, to be sure; Luffy took care of that quite nicely.

_Ja na!_


	2. Housing

This is really, I feel, different from my normal writing style. I'm not sure if it's any good, but hey, I'm supposed to be putting myself out there, right? It's different, but they idea's been bugging me for a while and I really just needed to get it out—of—my—head! ah! (No, really, it's been a month or so of just this vague idea skipping around my head like it owns the place. As in, "the hills are alive with the sound of music" skipping around. Yeah.)

This is a One Piece fanfiction written by a (very, very, very! grateful to her readers—holy shit, I have readers!) fan, for fans. I do not own the series, or Sanji would not be wearing a dress right now. Or he would at least have shaved his legs first, or something... because seriously, I love him, but that boy has _way _hairy legs...

For once, I wrote without listening to any music. Which is really, really strange. Though not as strange as how all my posts so far have been Robin focused when she _isn't even my favorite character!_ Sigh.

Reader Alert: This is probably not a good one to read it you aren't familiar with the characters; it's kind of got in-jokes you have to wade through. Like, up to your hips. It 's not easy.

Tagline: It was no wonder the Straw Hat Pirates were always given just one huge room to stay in while they recovered from a battle. The crew's dynamics were just too convoluted for anyone outside the group to be able to understand.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Housing**

There is a pirate crew that travels the Grand Line. They are infamous, having committed crimes against the government! Battling Marines at every turn, defeating Shichibukai one right after another, and evermore do their numbers grow! With varying powers and strengths, this band of nine creates a force to be reckoned with.

They are the Straw Hats, and they are strong.

Criminals have discovered this at every turn, for only recently did they truly turn against the government. Despite this fact, this anarchy, there are always scores of civilians willing to shelter them, keeping them safe from the Government's eyes at great risk to themselves.

But that isn't what this story is about. No...

One day the crew arrived at a port town, streets humming with the chaos and noise of everyday life. They set out, most taking their assigned task seriously, though a few did disregard their instruction entirely. The day grew short as time went on, as it is so wont to do, and they skies grew warm of color as the crew gathered in the town square.

After some debate it was decided that they would spend their night in the town at an inn. Many suggestions were made, but the navigator—holder of their money—overruled them all, finally settling on an average bed-and-breakfast. They went inside, and then realized a dilemma: they could not, as they typically did, share one room between all the men.

This hotel had a limit of two bodies per room...

"Oh my," Nico Robin said calmly, looking around at her companions, all of whom wore expressions of frustration or despair. "There really is no way to do this simply, is there?"

The innkeeper was surprised, and vaguely frustrated that all these people had just walked in, expecting him to have enough rooms for them all... Not that he didn't, of course. But it was irritating. "Aw come on, chickie," he said laughingly. "Just draw lots or somethin'. I got plenty of straws back here."

The crew looked at each other, then in unison turned to the man behind the counter, speaking with such force he actually stepped back. "**No.**"

The man recovered; he was a professional, after all. "It can't be that bad. Just tell it to me easy and I'll give ya rooms. I'll even put ya all in the same hall, no extra charge. What are ya like? I'll figure somethin' out."

A considering and brief discussion took place, during which many men were hit over the head, two brawls were started and broken up, one noodle dance from doctor and cook alike, and one irreplaceable vase was knocked to the floor by a stray rubber limb. Robin turned to the innkeeper, all business.

"You just want a brief summary—succinct—of the requirements of our rooming order, correct?"

He frowned, figuring that out out for a moment. "Ah, yeah. That's what I said."

"Is there a bathroom in that hall?"

"One at the end of every hall. And, uh, five rooms, each with two beds..."

She turned, eyes landing on each of her fellow pirates in turn, considering. Looking back to the innkeeper, she took a deep breath and began. "Sanji needs to be between Luffy and the kitchens. Zoro and Sanji here fight, as you saw, so they mustn't share a room. Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp get along very well. Nami and I will share a room, there's no question there... Nami likes luxury, so we should be nearest to the bath. On that note... Sanji and Brook are perverts, so neither of them can be near it, and that would be easiest if they share a room." She paused, glancing around again, and noticed with amusement the growing horror on the proprietor's face. "But Brook and Sanji both need someone to... ah, temper their impulses, shall we say, which the other cannot do, so they shouldn't be together either. Franky has enough respect for people's privacy, and he gets along well with Brook, and isn't afraid to use force, so that could work quite well. Usopp and Chopper both spook easily so they will each, undoubtedly, want to be paired with one of the Monster Trio."

At the man's blank look, she smiled and pointed to beach man in turn. "Sanji, Zoro, and Luffy. Now let's see, Chopper gets along with everyone, but especially Zoro, and neither one of them cares about girls in showers... I'm pretty sure Luffy is asexual—"

The boy in question asked, tilting his head far to one side. "I'm a-what-al?"

Franky looked at him, then snorted to himself. "I'll tell you when you're older."

"Aw... Oh! Does that mean it's a mystery?" he asked excitedly, only to be bonked on the head softly by a semi-irritated swordsman.

"Yeah," Sanji drawled sarcastically. "It's a mystery, alright."

Robin paid them no heed. "—and Usopp, as I understand it, has something of a girl waiting at home, so he's fine. And he's already seen Nami naked, as I recall. Twice, so it really shouldn't matter." Her voice grew in volume as she now spoke over a ranting, red-faced chef and an apologetic sharpshooter. "Zoro could curb Sanji's baser instincts if he's in a position to stop him, so his room should be between Sanji's and ours. But then, Chopper would probably stop him for the sake of decency,so that would work too. And again, it is absolutely _vital_ that Sanji be between Luffy and the kitchen..."

The innkeeper was sure that the tall, beautiful woman was still talking, but he couldn't hear a word—his head spun violently. "What?" he choked out, clutching the counter. "Are you joking? That isn't funny..."

Robin shook her head slightly and started to repeat herself, making it to only the third sentence before he lost track.

"Come again?" he asked, then thought better of it, working himself into a panic. "No. Don't come again. Leave. Just... leave. Now. And never come back. I don't want to see your faces for as long as I live! You're an innkeeper's nightmare! Go away! And... don't bother trying any of the other inns. I'm going to tell everyone not to let you stay!"

"That's not nice..." whined Luffy. "What'd we do to you?"

With that pleasant parting, the infamous crew filed back to their trusty ship, and spent a very amusing night discussing the best way to exact revenge on unfair innkeepers—for, true to his word, he had in fact called every inn and hotel in town; they hadn't even been let inside the doors.

* * *

It should be noted that later the next day they saved the town from mountain bandits and were hailed as heroes—but still couldn't get a room.

* * *

AN:

(Do I really need to spell it out, or are we all clear? Okay, okay, it's "Author's Notes"! "Reader Alerts" up top will eventually be shortened to "RA". They will not be in everything I post, but they are rather important to read. That's why it's underlined. "Taglines" however, will always be just plain "Taglines".)

...Well, that was interesting. I apologie if this is a total let-down or something. Omniscient is notably _not_ my strongest point (of view—haha, I made a funny... yeah, no). Neither is humor. Why am I posting funny stuff when I thought I was bad at jokes? More over, why is it _working_?

_After some debate..._

I wrote the first half of the debate before I realized that it wasn't the point of the story, and would make it too long. Not that it wasn't already. GAH! I may eventually finish it and post that as an Omake, if anyone is interested...? Just lemme know.

..._Brook and Sanji both need someone to... ah, temper their impulses, shall we say..._

Yeah. Heeheeheehee. Oh, that was kinda creepy... But seriously, Robin doesn't lack tact and not every thing she says is gruesomely specific. I thought it would be fun for her to put this 'delicately'.

LET'S PLAY A GAME! (Or not.) If you think you know what order they would have been in if he _had _given them rooms, feel free to guess in your review! Er... if you leave one, that is. Not to be presumptuous... But I'd love to hear if someone comes up with another mix! By the way the hall, when you turn into it (yeah, I have it all figured out very clearly in my mind), has three doors on each wall. They are not across from each other, rather, each one faces blank wall on the other side (the hall is pink, by the way, with little dark wooden tables with vases on them and light colored flowers.. Oh, you don't care? Well... see how you are. XP ) the bathroom is the last door on your left, right up against the wall, and there is a door immediately to your right. Then one on the left, then the right, then the left, then the right, then the bathroom.

My user name should have been 'queenofparentheses'.

* * *

I have an anonymous review! I could SQUEE, I'm so happy!

pikinanou: I'm so glad you think it's funny! Thanks for the review! I really cannot tell you how happy I was to see an anonymous comment—it's something of a major landmark for me, considering how long I was on this site without a user.

Really, thank you _so much_. All of you.

_Ja na!_


	3. Censored

I am eternally fascinated by the idea of what the Straw Hats do once they hit a town. We've seen Rogue/Logue Island and... and... and... I can't think of any others, really, that were casual or free. Nanohana doesn't count, does it? That was interrupted majorly by the—oh, wait, that happened at Logue Town too! So that doesn't count... Whiskey Peak? No, wait, that was a set-up... Hmm, then what about Jaya...! Ah, no, wait, that _definitely_ doesn't count...

You see? That's my point! Even with the extensions provided by the dear makers of the anime (yes, people I'm an OP fillers fan) we never really get to see them just sit back and relax in a town, in a market. When they are having a nice day in the fillers, it usually focuses on just one person. For example... (c'mon, say it with me, you KNOW where this is going!) the Great Captain~! Usopp! gets a few. This is just one of the many things I imagine happening on a trip into town with our favorite pirate crew.

This is an OP fanfiction written by a fan for (increasingly more...? *ever-hopeful*) fans. I don't own One Piece, and I don't want to, although I _would_ like the money. Probably...? And while we're on the topic of things I don't own, I don't own the music I listened to as I wrote: 'Vena Cava', which in this case is actually two songs by the same name, one by Nerina Pallot and the other by Kristin Hersh. (Or so my media player tells me.)

Reader Alert: This has Sanji, Zoro and Nami in it. Now look at the title... you see that bolded word—that one right there? Yeah. Now you see why this thing is rated teen... right? Oh well. If you don't, then you will by the end. Ohhh yes. This probably won't be funny if you don't know the characters... But it might be?

Immediately post-Davy Back Fight/During my interpretation of the seventh movie's opening credits—there are allusions to said movie but you don't need to have seen it. (If you've not, go watch it. Sanji has a 'hands' scene...! And he looks good in blue lighting! And he's so cool when he—Oh? What was that? I can't tell them that because it's a spoiler? Rats! ...Oh yeah, and Zoro's got a pretty cool.. couple'a... things... in there too... Now, what I _really _loved were all the 'Three Stooges' moments. *smirks*)

Tagline: It was always something of a pleasant surprise to Nami when -those two- fought and her ears didn't immediately start bleeding. But add the rest of the lot in there, and she'll make no guarantees...

I've talked long enough... Sorry. Enjoy!

* * *

**Censored**

It was Summer on a Fall Island, which meant sweetly sloping hills and cobble-stoned streets lined by trees so full of warm color that they seemed to have been set aflame. Every leaf, upon closer inspection, proved to be lush and healthy, though the shades themselves hinted that each would fall at the slightest whisper of wind. A port town's weather, however, proved that that was certainly not the case: a near constant sea breeze brought the scents of salt and water and, to Nami at least, freedom. Peace of mind, so rare in her hectic life, settled over the girl as she stood on the dock, rapidly flickering eyes mapping out what she could see of the town spread across the earth. And it was beautiful. Not her favorite of the sixteen seasons, but pretty all the same.

_If we run into Marines over there, we can get back here by this route. Unless there're more of them there..._ she made a note of this, tapping her foot as she waited for the argument over who would accompany her to finish. Really, she reflected idly, automatically preparing escape routes was more to account for the inevitable than out of habit left from her pirate-robbing days. _Which sometimes—_her thoughts were interrupted.

"Nami-swan~!" Sanji leapt to her side in a rather impressive feat, kicking casually off Merry's bulwark. He was to accompany her, the man kneeling before her gushed happily before waxed poetry, produced a beautifully glittering rose from inside his suit jacket that was miraculously unrumpled, and swore (on his love, of course) that nothing would harm her—and by the way did that make her love him yet?

Accepting the rose and protection but nothing else, she waved him away, thinking. Okay; he was the cook after all, and this was a stocking trip and nothing—well, Log Pose aside—would have otherwise pulled them from their course. Luffy was, as always, doggedly determined, ignorantly insistful, and sincerely sold on the matter of that damnable golden crown, so they had just a short while to reach the old bat's island. And since she, as navigator, was going, it made to follow that the flirtatiously chivalrous man would follow. But it was a group of three they had agreed on sending, so who else would be—

"Oi, love-cook! You ever heard of something called patience?"

Oh no. No, they hadn't—turning quickly, she saw, much to her dismay, Zoro climbing steadily (_slowly_, a lower part of her mind hissed in agitation) down the ladder.

"What was that, you shitty marimo?" Sanji spun to face the swordsman, angry already. "Are you trying to ruin my shopping trip with Nami-san?"

Stepping heavily onto the dock, Zoro stretched and yawned hugely. Only after had lumbered over to the fuming pair—each for their own reasons, as the cook stayed focused on the approaching man while she sent looks that would kill at the happily waving Robin—scratched his head, and yawned _again_ did he reply. "Are you stupid or something? I said—"

With an unintelligible shout of anger that almost muffled the (studiously ignored) yells and promises of vengeance falling from the deck, the chef swung into action, throwing at the swordsman a kick that would have shattered the bones of a lesser man. Not being a lesser man, Zoro pulled out his swords in record time, crossing two of them in front of his chest to block the black-clad leg. Soon the familiar sounds of a fierce, vocal, and petty battle successfully drowned out the panicked cries of doctor, sharpshooter, and old lady as they tried to figure out the best way to untie a sailor's knot done with rubber, as well as the frustrated shouts of the captain, as said rubber knots had been tied with his limbs in an attempt to keep him from causing trouble once they docked. (So far no one had managed to undo Nami's handiwork, though it couldn't be certain if that was due to lack of capability or well-founded fear of swift retribution.)

"How could you?" Nami cried up to the older woman.

There was no clarification needed. "Well, Long Nose-kun and Doctor-san are working on freeing Captain-san, I have a book to finish reading, and I doubted that you would want our guest joining you... Was I wrong?"

Nami sighed heavily. She hated it, but that really did account for everyone. But at least she would only have to look out for—

"I'M FREE!" their captain bellowed happily, and she could just see him in her mind: head thrown back, hat knocking gently against his back held by the string around his neck. His arms would be raised in triumph, legs braced apart, ready for anything. "NAMI! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" The sound of clunky shoes, tapping hooves, wooden shoes and loudly flapping sandals joined the cacophony, creating a chorus of expletives, oaths, quiet giggles, threats, cackles, sturdy shoes slamming into swords—alternating _thud_s and _klang_s—and now running feet.

"Are you all idiots!" she sunk to her knees miserably, then started shrieking up at her nakama when their heads appeared over the side of the ship. On some level of her mind, Nami noted with satisfaction that the little old lady really was too little since she couldn't even look over the bulwark. "I tied him up for a _reason_!"

Luffy's non-grin—she couldn't really call it a frown, that frustrated little downward twist at each corner of his mouth—as he vaulted over the railing did nothing to reassure her. He walked slowly towards her, that vaguely unpleasant non-grin still in place as the volume from the fight behind her increased.

Too much; she leapt to her feet. Spinning on her heels, the angry navigator stormed to the 'dueling' men and swiftly brought them to their knees. (It didn't take much, just a firm hit to the back of each man's head—it was just happy coincidence that the two heads then slammed together. No, not her fault at all...)

Zoro and Sanji both groaned, clutching their heads, then looked up at each other, glaring, at the same instant.

"Why, you bastard!"

"Shithead! You idiot marimo!"

"Nami!" the swordsman turned to glare up at her now, one hand moving to clench around the hilt of one sword. "What the hell was that for?"

The chef bit down hard on his cigarette and pushed to his feet. "What did you just say to Nami-san? Are you _threatening _her? Ladies needs to be treated more delicately, you—"

Nami narrowed her eyes and, deciding that the men had obviously not had enough punishment, struck them both again—her Super Secret Double Smack Attack, as Usopp had once called it—and growled. "You two _morons_ better shut the _hell_ up, or so help me God, I swear I will going to kick your asses so hard you'll scream all the way Skypiea!"

As expected, Sanji caved immediately and began crooning. "Of course, Nami-swan~! You're beautiful when you're threatening us, too~!"

Shoving to her feet, Zoro shot her a look she knew all to well, and cut him of before another fight could start so soon. "I mean it! And if you _don't_ obey me, I'll raise your interest by 200%—don't think I won't!"

He blanched, the grudgingly bowed to her superior logic. "Fine."

Luffy had reached them and his voice was the Luffy-approximation of stern. "That was mean, Nami! You shouldn't tie people up!"

The accused turned to face her captain, slightly panicked—if he went into town in bad mood they were _sure_ to run into trouble (_We would anyway!_) so she had to calm him down. Searching desperately for the least troublesome response, option after option flew through her mind. _Sorry, Luffy, it was funny._ No, not an option. _It was to keep you safe!_ Yeah right! She could break into tears... _Possibilities... But then Sanji-kun would be all over me and that would start another fight because Zoro can't keep his rotten mouth shut._ If only there were some way to convince the gullible boy her actions had been in his best interests...

Ah.

Plan firmly in mind, she began, putting on a plaintive expression and vaguely aware that Sanji began to have one of his little pervert-fits. Only able to see the man from the corner of her eye, the cook looked more like a noodle than ever. "But Luffy! I just thought it would be fun for you to untie yourself... And it would be a good skill to learn, don't you think? After all, if you can't get out of a bind like that, how could you ever get to One Piece? And then—then you'd never be King of the Pirates!"

There was a bit of silence as Luffy worked this out, the slightly pained expression that thinking always graced him with upon his features, and then he smiled, the old familiar grin. "Oh, I see! You were trying to help me reach my dream, right?" She nodded—like she'd do anything else in that situation?—and he continued. "Well, that's okay then. Just tell me next time!" He waited for her to nod again; she did. He too nodded, and clearly considering the matter settled, he moved past her and marched off the dock.

And stopped, freezing in a way he only ever...

Oh no.

His nostrils grew and he leaned forward, hands on his hips and swiveling in different directions as he inhaled deeply. A moment of this, then he let loose a triumphant cry, bolting away faster than they could hope to follow. "FOOOOOOOD!"

Looking around and the blank expressions that she was sure mirrored her own, she sighed. Even all the speed she had gained as thief wouldn't be enough to catch up now, but she had to try; it would be so much worse for everyone if they lost track of Luffy. That thought firmly in mind, she started off, following the dust-and-destruction trail the boy always left in his wake. Running like this was what she had thought she was leaving behind when she abandoned her old ways, Nami reflected, and finally finished her earlier thought. _Which sometimes I kinda miss, because it has to be less trouble._ A shout behind her drew her attention, and she saw Sanji sprinting after her, Zoro having undoubtedly already gotten lost, and then she smiled. Yes, her thieving days were comparatively less complicated.

But also a lot less fun.

* * *

AN:

...Pardon my French? Nah, it wasn't as bad on paper (so to speak) as it was in my head. You can imagine what it would have sounded like if it had been from one of the dueling duo's points of view, right? But seriously, I had such a blast writing this, and I hope ya'll find this as amusing as the others. The title itself ended up referring to how the story has been 'censored' to protect the viewers from Sanji and Zoro's dirty mouths... and the fact that Nami's mouth needs to be.

I've never written from her POV before, by the way. I'd be interested to hear if you think I did okay, or what I could do better.

_...Summer on a Fall Island, which meant..._

As we've never **seen** Summer on a Fall Island, the whole first paragraph is just my idealized vision... And trust me, it's very pretty in my head...

_Not her favorite of the sixteen seasons..._

In an SBS, Oda stated that Nami's favorite season is Summer on a Spring Island.

_...kicking casually off Merry's bulwark. _

A solid wall enclosing the perimeter of a weather or main deck for the protection of persons or objects on deck... or so says my trusty online dictionary.

_...one hand moving to clench around the hilt of one sword... "Are you threatening her?"..._

For the record, he isn't; he just chose a bad time to pick up his swords.

_"I'll raise your interest by 200%—don't think I won't!"_

She will.

_...he let loose a triumphant cry..."FOOOOOOOD!"_

I have always wanted to write a bellow-for-food scene for Luffy, but it would never fit. I feel very happy right now!

Nami's excuse for tying Luffy up with, well, Luffy...

Oh come on. HE WOULD SO FALL FOR THAT! Kinda makes me sad, actually. But there's this 'persona available for firefox users that has a picture of Luffy with the text "He's stupid," or something like that. Go get it. It's blue. :-)

* * *

Moar anonymous reviewers! This really does make me happy. *happy dances to prove it*

War P. Anda: I do, I do! And I like your name. I want to call you War Panda. ^.^ It's cute! And thank you for the review! It really is fun to think of, right? XD

Diva: Thanks for pointing these errors out! I really appreciate your taking the time to do that!

*runs off to make corrections, then skids to a halt Luffy-style and runs back*

_Ja na!_

*off again*


	4. Bonus: Holy

**Holy**

It wasn't a new story. They had picked up stranded, starving, drowning, or drifting sailors before; sometimes even entire crews. But never had the act resulted in such utter silence descending, broken only by mournful, broken sobs that were carried across the sea on gusts of wind, where they spread across the world until they were so small, so singularly unimportant, that they dissipated entirely. Everyone was looking in a different direction, thinking of different things—but it was all the same. They had all been accused of not knowing what it was like to lose the thing most important to them—to have their material treasure literally ripped from their hands by people so unimaginably stronger than themselves.

There were ten people on board; the pirates, sitting or standing where they chose, and the collapsed, sobbing, soaked mess on their deck. One was the accuser, the other nine the accused. Not one of them could dispute this. Not one of them could argue. Not one of them could comfort the crying man, because none of them could say, "I understand" and mean it. They had lost home and family, but never the _thing_ most precious to them.

What they could only do was think, in silent horror, about what it would be like to go through the same. Stricken, they stared off, lost in their own thoughts.

Nami's hand found its way to her tattoo as she stared towards the lawn deck, eyes fixed unerringly on one of the mikan trees firmly planted there. Orange dotted the familiar green shade, and she thought of her mother. Her sister. Her home, and her battle for it—the battle she had eventually won.

Franky stared at the deck below his bare feet, and rested his hand on the bulwark next to him, fingers idly tracing the grains of wood. The texture, the slide, the precise angles and cuts reminded him of the time spent working on the ship. The time spent with his something-of-a-brother. The friends and family he'd left behind. Of his mentor and father, and the words of wisdom that had shaped his life and his dream.

Zoro glanced down to his right side, arm coming to rest over his swords, and in the process his fingers trailed over a white hilt. The warm strength and comfort, the familiarity of an old friend that just the one blade possessed, made him think on the things he had never expected when he made that promise. After Kuina had died. After he had gotten the sword, and after years of sweat and blood... Leaving home, for one, after all that work. The pain-staking search coming to such an unexpected—and painful—end. A second chance at life and learning. And the friends.

Chopper squinted his eyes tight shut, pulling the brim of his pink top hat down over his eyes. This tugged it up in the back, ruffling his fur a bit, but he really didn't care; he just missed home in that moment, just wanted to know what his Doctrine was up to. He just missed Doctor Hiruluk, the snowy, constant, comfortable chill... The forests he had known, the animals he had watched out for, and even the towns. Tears gathered in his eyes and he squeezed them tighter and sniffled, fighting back the tears and telling himself that as a man, as a pirate, he couldn't cry. He had nothing to cry about! Drum Kingdom was saved, and he had seen with his own two eyes the cherry blossoms blooming. The memory made him smile, and the taste of salt told him that tears were streaming down his face anyway.

Sanji's eyes had flashed down to the hands in his lap when the man started crying, and once the talking had started he hadn't been able to pull them away. He needed them. He would _die_ if anyone ever took them—but only after kicking the shithead head-over-foot into oblivion. His _hands_. The hands of a cook, literally something he had never in his life been without. It should be unimaginable, but it wasn't. Not when he woke up so often with sweat beaded on his temple, shaken out of sleep by the God-awful horror of the images conjured by his treacherous mind. He knew what an amputated limb looked like. He knew it very well, every sick, twisted detail; how could he not be plagued every so often with dreams that superimposed such graphic detail over his own limbs? His legs, yes, he had those dreams. Zeff's leg.. _yes_, damn it all, he'd dreamt of that for years and the ghosts of that horrible time seemed unlikely to leave him any time soon. But his hands? Those were the worst; the ones that made him sit bolt upright with sweat sliding down his temples like tears—like his whole body was crying out in rejection of the very thought. His hands had been his life for a long time; if he had those he could be a cook. His hands were his life, still, but so much more. They were the lives of his nakama; if he had them he could make sure not a single one of them _ever _went through the starvation hell he was so agonizingly familiar with.

Robin braced one hand on the railing behind her and leaned back, staring up at the blue sky while her free hand slipped into her back pocket, resting protectively over her small notebook. The cover was smooth from all the times she had handled it, the spine sadly cracked from where it had been thrown on the ground and stepped on by a vindictive pirate—the last thing he had done. Professor Clover had told her that learning was something she should never stop doing. Her mother had told her to live. Saul had told her to find nakama who would protect her. Aokiji had told her to make the most of her chance. She was doing all of these things. She was her own most precious item, her mind and memory, but without the little book it would be hard to keep track of things as she pieced the mystery of the Rio Poneglyph together bit by bit.

Brook stared out over the sea, his empty, bony hand hesitantly reaching up to gingerly touch his afro. He never would have imagined that one day his hair would be so important to him. If not for that, though, he would never be sure that Laboon would recognize him. He would never be able to keep his promises—not to the whale, not to Yorki, not to his deceased nakama. That... wasn't an option. After all those years of painful loneliness and banishment from the sun, he had friends and possibilities and _refused_ to give up this chance; likely it would be his last.

Usopp closed his eyes, pained, hands curling into shaking fists at his sides as he bit his lip. _Merry_. Lost to them, but not forgotten. Burned and claimed by the sea... but not gone. The spirit of Merry, of that precious gift from Kaya, really did live on in the Sunny; right alongside this ship's own spirit. He was sure of that now. He and his nakama would never again let Merry suffer, and they wouldn't ever put Sunny through the same ignorant punishment.

Luffy sat cross-legged on the lion/sunflower/sun—on Sunny's head any way, and stared down without seeing at the hat in his hands. His fingers traced over the woven strands, the smooth, bumpy feeling he knew so well he had stopped thinking about it a long time ago, brushed over the smooth red ribbon. He felt a pang at the lack of the bump that had been under there so long. Ace's vivre card, gone. Gone. Gone like Ace himself, gone like Shanks' arm. Gone like Merry's body, and those three coins sacrificed to Davy Jones. Gone never to be returned.

_Not_, he told himself firmly, frowning, _gone like this guy's treasure_.

And he got to his feet, turned around and walked carefully to where he could safely step off onto the deck. He flipped the straw hat in his hands and set it on his head, where it belonged.

"Stop crying," he ordered, and his nakama all turned to face him. They knew.

The crying man didn't, and he angrily glared up at the boy. "How dare you give me an order right now?" he choked, tears slowing in the face of his anger. "You have no idea what it's like to lose something so precious forever—"

"You're right." Luffy stepped over, leaned down and, ignoring the man's dripping clothes and slack body, pulled him to his feet. "But neither do you. Get some dry clothes on. We're going." With just that, he walked away, hands in his pockets and trying for the third time to learn how to whistle.

His nakama smiled; some of them nodded. All of them moved to ready the ship.

"Going—" Came the delayed, shocked shout. "What do you mean we're going? Going where?"

"To get your treasure back," he said, still walking away.

"What... After what I told you... Who _are_ you?"

Halfway down the stairs, Luffy turned. He looked at the soaked stranger and smiled. Familiar words fell over the ship, soothing emotional turmoil like a balm. "I'm Luffy! The man who's going to be King of the Pirates!"


	5. Ninja

Well, now, I wrote this at school today one one sheet of paper in thirty minutes or so. (Funny story actually: I was just thinking of the theme and premise I picked this morning, and then the first sentence popped into my head, followed by the second... So I said—yeah, out loud, and I got some funny looks for it, too—"The hell with it", put down what I was doing and flipped to a clean page.) Which means I was listening to teens chatter around me. Doesn't sound like it would be the best thing for for writers, but I've been managing quite well for four years. This marks the firs time I've written one of these not on the computer first. Not a big deal to ya'll, as you get it either way, but I usually only write _my_ stories on my paper. so it's something of a measure of importance to me... but then, when the inspiration strikes...

Fanfiction for fans by fans, using characters created by Eiichiro Oda. I don't own them—if I did, we would see much more day-to-day life aboard the Straw Hat ship.

Tagline: There is a ninja in the night, and his name is...

Enjoy!

* * *

**Ninja**

Tonight he was a ninja.

* * *

Monkey D. Luffy thought he was alone.

Luffy thought that he had succeeded tonight. At long last, after time, pain, and planning, the long process of trial and error, of effort, was going to pay off. The plot was set, the trap was sprung, and Luffy thought he had succeeded.

He'd gone to bed a little early, thus prompting Usopp and Chopper to follow suit. The happy threesome had gone, laughing, through the hatch in the deck. Carue had even settled down for the night not long after, as they were no longer present to bother the bird, when the shouts, laughs, and indignant cries had had faded to silence. Soon Vivi and Nami had had retired, chatting animatedly as they went and pausing only long enough for the still-recovering navigator to deliver her nightly threats of emasculation should anything disturb them. Zoro was on the aft deck, having sat down there some time after dinner and fallen promptly into sleep, and it was Sanji's turn to finish cleaning up from the days activities. When that was finished, silence and stillness descended upon the Merry-go.

Cue on tricky rubberman slipping from his hammock. Leaving his sandals untouched—they'd make too much noise—he slowly, carefully, crept to the deck, even going so far as to take the long way up. The night air, the gentle salty breeze, hit his face and he'd known that he'd succeeded, effectively completing Phase One. He'd made his way up the stairs, minding the volume of his footfalls and avoiding just that _one_ particular squeaky board.

Once near enough to his final goal, he'd ever-so-cautiously turned the knob. Pushed open the door, so silent because Sanji refused to have one of the most commonly used doors on the ship wail every time it was opened. He slipped in, and shut the door behind him. Smiled happily in the moonlight as it filtered in from the porthole. Glanced around to be sure no one else was there. Satisfied, he'd taken a sure step towards the refrigerator. Towards the food. Towards the _meat_.

Yes, Monkey D. Luffy thought he was alone.

Monkey D. Luffy was about to be proven horribly wrong.

"NOT ON MY LIFE, YOU SHITTY RUBBER FREAK!"

* * *

AN:

So who's the ninja here, exactly? You decide. :)

_...it was Sanji's turn to finish cleaning up from the days activities. When that was finished, silence and stillness descended upon the Merry-go._

He never went to bed. I made it vague on purpose, but it's actually written from Sanji's POV. He's just very aware of what Luffy will do in his pursuit of food.

* * *

War P. Anda: No longer anon.? Are you getting a user? :D Yeah, I really couldn't help but add that in. Although to be honest, he kept up with them until the third turn, which is something of an accomplishment. Considering. Glad you liked it!

Now, I've got an couple of essays to write, and I have to hope my muse doesn't decide to demand more attention.. aren't I giving it enough? T_T

_Ja na!_


	6. Flowers

This is... fun. I had a different idea but this one jumped up and bit me. It takes place a little while after leaving Water 7.

Tagline: Everyone knew that the flowers made her happy, and none of them wanted her sad again. Thus their dilemma.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Flowers**

It had been a long time, Usopp knew, since Robin'd had a living thing to take care of, that depended on her entirely. She'd told him once that since she was always on the move, so she couldn't have any obligations; even the animals she used in Arabasta weren't hers, just loans from Crocodile. It was thanks to this that she'd been so happy when Franky presented the flower garden to her. Ever since then she had happily tended the flowers, enjoying the provincial chore more than he himself had thought possible. Still, no one had had the heart to do anything remotely resembling taking over her self-appointed job as gardener. She loved those flowers, and never even used her Devil Fruit powers to make the job easier on herself.

Correction: she _had_ loved those flowers.

Hands on his hips, deep frown on his face, the sharpshooter surveyed the damage and contemplated how to set things right. There were hoof prints in the soil, but those were easy enough to hide, requiring nothing more than a simple sweep of the dirt to one side. The scuffs left over by Luffy's sandals were easy too, but sweat beaded on his brow when he glanced at his feet. Nami, Franky, Luffy and a cowering Chopper stood around him, and their gazes followed his own.

Strewn across the deck were what used to be flowers. Most seemed to be intact, with roots still hugging a clump of dirt that had been pulled with them. Tulip bulbs and daffodils of every color were scattered around the simple flower boxes; there had to be at least two dozen. Passing a hand over his head, the teen wondered exactly _what_ their doctor and captain had been doing that caused so much damage. In fact, for once he'd had no part in causing the trouble: Usopp had been down in the Main Branch of his 'factory' since breakfast, coming out only when his two friends had literally crashed through the door, shouting about him coming to the deck. The noise had brought Franky, all ready to yell at them for hurting his ship, but the teens had run past him without a word (Well, Luffy and Chopper had run—Usopp had been being dragged along behind the jerks by his nose and one arm.)

After a rather painful trip up to the deck, being pulled roughly through the hatch in the lawn and then up the slide, then literally thrown onto the galley's roof, Usopp's only concern was yelling at the two for all the trouble. They jumped up after him (being a reindeer or made of rubber certainly did seem t have their advantages...) and before he could wheel around to start, they pointed wordlessly at the garden. He had turned on his heel, very slowly, afraid of what he would find. In some ways it had been worse than he expected, in others, better. But regardless of _how_ bad it was, the fact that this was _very bad news_ wasn't up for debate. Franky had soon arrived, in hot pursuit of the offenders, and then Nami, who had seen them all bickering from the library. Both had pulled up short, aghast, at the destruction that currently replaced what was probably the most serene place on the ship. Everyone agreed that they couldn't let Robin, who was currently in the Aquarium Bar, find out, because no one wanted to know how she would react.

It was true that her anger was a frightening thing to behold—they all knew what she had done to Spandam, not even beginning to mention how she had acted on the sea train—but Usopp suspected that the real fear behind the decision was that of another distinct possibility: seeing that resigned sadness appear in her eyes once again. He didn't know much about how she'd acted at Water 7 after the crew's return from Enies Lobby, but even seeing her on the ship was more than enough. The woman was quicker to laugh, and quicker to talk. She was less guarded and more willing to, not just listen to anyone else's troubles, but talk as well, explaining some situation she had been in that allowed her to relate.

Something she'd never done before. And then the calm that surrounded her, that peace which swept out to touch anyone around, when she was taking care of these flowers? It was fast becoming precious, and _no one_ wanted to see it go. Even Luffy seemed to understand the severity of the situation, as he had gotten Usopp instead of leaving the mess and then apologizing offhandedly later. So what could they do?

Exchanging a despairing glance with Nami, he cleared his throat. "Alright men," he began, sounding much more confident than he felt. "We've got to fix this before Robin comes to water them. Which should be after she finishes reading. Think we can do it?"

Luffy, the jerk who was probably the root of all this trouble, nodded enthusiastically and opened his mouth to answer, but Usopp didn't want to give the rubberman a chance. Hadn't he'd caused enough damage already?

To that end, he answered his own question. "Of course we can!"

Chopper stepped slowly out from behind Luffy's leg. "Do you really think we can fix this? We.. we didn't mean to, but now it's such a big mess and..." Tears welled in his eyes, and Usopp really couldn't help himself. He tried to control it, to hold it in, truly... It just didn't work.

"Why of course! Who do you think I am? Why, I once planted an entire garden as large as this ship in less than half an hour! And raised them from seedlings to maturity in one day! In fact, that garden still stands to this day, a true testament to my artisty and skill as a gardener. For I, the Great Captain~! Usopp! am also known as the man with the green thumb!"

The young deer's eyes sparkled, any trace of tears vanquished in an instant, and as Usopp looked down at him, he decided that any punishment later received for the obvious lie would be well worth it. Luffy, too, jumped forward, eager to hear more.

At a pointed glance from Usopp, Nami crept up behind the pirate captain, then hooked her fingers into his collar and began dragging him off.

"You're coming with me, Mr. Troublesome."

"Wha—? But where?" he whined, dragging his heels.

"The kitchen. I need to talk to Sanji-kun." And that really was all he needed to hear; the guy pulled free and sprinted ahead of Nami, calling over his shoulder that the last one there was a rotten egg as he dove at the hatch into the galley. Nami turned and Usopp wilted under her glare. "You owe me for this, you know. And Sanji-kun, too, if he breaks any—" _CRASH _"...thing..." One last hard look and the navigator swept away, climbing down the ladder, already offering apologies to the bellowing cook.

Luffy now out of his hair and looking forward to the prospect of a very thin allowance the next time they docked, Usopp began giving orders to the two remaining men. Franky, he told them, was to go get what they would need to plant the flowers again properly and Chopper was to smooth away the footprints in the soil, while Usopp himself would be collecting the flowers and evaluating their condition. The two agreed to this plan and began to work, and he got to his knees; kneeling would be more convenient than sitting and less painful than stooping down for each individual blossom.

It took some time, but eventually the three men got into the swing of things, Usopp fixing the holes left by the flowers with a small shovel that he couldn't remember the proper name of, Franky setting the plants down (as he was the only one there who knew where each one belonged), and Chopper following up, gently and painstakingly patting the dirt back around the flowers as he told them how this had happened.

He'd glanced apologetically over at them and began with another apology. "It wasn't supposed to happen, but Luffy..." he sniffed. "Luffy wanted to play but I was working and said no. A little while later he came barging into my office and took the pills I had just finished making! I had to get them back; they're painkillers, and if Luffy had taken one of them, let alone all of them... Well, Usopp, you remember when he ate the Mescal Cactus, don't you?"

Sparing a horrified glance at the doctor, Usopp shuddered, which apparently was all the confirmation he needed, as the story continued. "It would have been really bad, see! So I had to follow him. And he came up here with them, so I chased him, and then he started running around and then he tripped and fell on the flowers and the pills spilled everywhere..." His voice grew very small, and he took a deep breath before continuing. "So you see we had to get them but they'd gone everywhere and we couldn't see them with the flowers there and... And then Luffy decided to search for them and he dug up one of Robin's flowers. And when he tried to fix it, he knocked over another one. And when he saw one of the pills rolling away he went to get it but it was on the other side of the flower box and..."

He didn't need to say anymore; the rest of the story was plain from the scene they were now cleaning up. Luffy, that idiot, had jumped up or something and ran over the box to get the rolling pill. And of course, since Chopper knew how important they were he tried to stop the rubber moron, but that only made things worse because then there were two people walking around on the flower box. Usopp and Franky shared a look; he really was taking all the blame on himself, wasn't he? Even though it was entirely the rubber idiot's fault. He shook his head, about to tell the little guy that it was okay: they were fixing it after all, with only five flowers left to plant, and who could control Luffy, anyway? when they heard something that made their blood run cold.

"I'm impressed. I didn't know you three had an interest in gardening, but you're doing quite a good job."

The three men spun on their knees, only to see Robin looking down, a book tucked under her arm, as she set up one of their deck chairs. Her expression was hidden, thanks to the angle of her head making her hair fall over it, but she didn't _sound_ mad.

Well, crap. That meant she was sad, didn't it? She sat down without saying anything else, facing away from them and staring out to sea. How could they ever fix this? Other than what they were already doing of course. A lie might work but Robin was so smart she would see through it unless it was _just_ the right one...

Chopper beat him to it: getting to his feet, trembling, he ran at the woman.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm soorrrrrryyyyyy!" he sobbed, throwing himself into her lap. She glanced down in mild surprise: it isn't everyday you find a little ball of crying reindeer in your lap, even if he was your nakama.

After a short second, she rested her hand atop his head, petting him. "Chopper! What are you crying for?" His answer was muffled, thanks to his face being covered by his arms, but she obviously understood him. "But they look fine. You three really are doing a good job, and I appreciate it." More muffled noises that were probably supposed to be words, and she laughed. "Of course I'm not angry! I like the flowers, but it's not so troublesome to re-plant them, as you must have realized already..."

Usopp relaxed, again looking over at the shipwright, expecting to share another glance, but found the man setting aside the flowers he still held and pushing to his feet. The expression on Franky's face was odd, kind of happy and amused and sad all at once. Frowning slightly, Usopp too stood, looking over at the pair of his nakama.

Chopper was just pushing himself up, looking at the woman hopefully. "You mean it?" he asked. "You're not mad? Not at all?"

She shook her head and was about to respond, when Franky stepped forward. "Nico Robin. Why not help us plant these last few flowers?" He jerked his head back to indicate them, smiling slightly.

She returned the look, then turned to Chopper and whispered something that made him laugh and smile as he slid off her lap. "Yes," she said as she stood, leaving the book on the chair behind her. "That sounds nice."

* * *

AN:

Yeah, I know, it's not funny. Well, parts of it are, I think, but not all of it. But like the genius behind MegaTokyo once said, "Sometimes there isn't a punchline". Other than that, I can' think of much to say. Sorry this is getting posted so late...? But if you're reading thins then you would've found it anyway.

..._Nami crept up behind the pirate captain, then hooked her fingers into his collar and began dragging him off_.

It was that or tie him up again.

..._if he breaks any—" CRASH "...thing..."_

Just in case you were wondering, Sanji was washing dishes and Luffy tripped and fell into him—Sanji dropped a salad bowl.

_a small shovel that he couldn't remember the proper name of_

Neither could I.

* * *

War P. Anda: Happy Birthday! I'm glad you enjoyed. :D Yay! for getting a user.

*laughs maniacally at my plan for tomorrow's story* Oh wait, they can still hear me? o.0' Rats!

_Ja na!_


	7. Surprise

By a fan for fans. Not my usually funny-funny ha-ha, or super sweet like last night. Actually, it kinda just... is, I guess.

Tagline: Usopp was acting weird...-er than normal, anyway. It didn't matter, Chopper just couldn't see why he wasn't being allowed in on the... whatever it was...

Enjoy!

* * *

**Surprise**

Chopper lay, discouraged, on his bed, and allowed himself to wallow in self-pity. At a time like this he would have _preferred_ to be in his office. Would have liked to be sitting in his favorite swivelly chair, at his desk, where he could think. And if that didn't work, he would have gone and talked to Usopp, and if the older boy hadn't been available he would have gone into the galley and sat down at the counter or table or on the couch and talked to Sanji until he could sort out what he was feeling, all the while enjoying cookies or cocoa, or both. Surely those three options were preferable to laying there, all alone, staring up at swirls in the wood paneling above him. He wanted to go running to one of these three, familiar, comforting situations.

But he couldn't. He couldn't, because he had been barred from his office—_his_ office!—by Sanji and Usopp, ("under pain of death", according to what the marksman had growled as he ushered Chopper thought the door and slammed it closed) who had locked the doors behind him! No one was allowed into the galley, not even the girls, and both cook and sharpshooter swore that if anyone was caught lurking outside, "there'll be hell to pay, you shitheads".

So his personal room was unavailable. Usopp was unavailable, and Sanji was too. The two had been acting strangely since everyone walked into the galley for breakfast that morning: they had been standing, heads together and speaking quietly, looking down at something spread across the bar. The door opened and they had, according to Nami, who'd walked in first, "jumped apart and started running around like chickens with their heads cut off", Usopp shooting her a dark look as he hastily rolled up the papers, and apparently even Sanji had taken a moment, merely lighting a cigarette and bringing it to his lips, before turning around to welcome the woman in what seemed almost like an attempt to distract her from the marksman stowing the papers in his bag. Then there was the matter of breakfast itself to consider; the whole affair had been somewhat tense, as the cook had not bothered with the usual, table-groaning-under-the-weight meal. Rather, Sanji had up a buffet-type... thing... on the table, where they were to go up one side and then down the other, collecting the food they wanted before being directed out to the deck—it had no less tasty of course, but... different enough to be unsettling.

And after most of them had filed out, it seemed that not only had Sanji and Usopp shut themselves off from the world again, but that they had called Franky back to stay with them. With the odd instructions to send the dirty dishes up via the dumbwaiter in the Aquarium Bar and the warning against nearing the galley. Which was all good and well, but Chopper had never imagined that they would go so far as to mean he couldn't use his own private space, just because of the proximity...! And yet, when he had gone to make some new medicine, as soon as the three men had heard him scooting his chair where he needed it... Chopper frowned at the memory; the men had pulled open the door and all stood there, staring down at him with shadowed eyes. Franky had cracked his huge knuckles and asked if Chopper had somehow missed hearing what had been said to the crew earlier, which of course he had and... and he had been almost literally thrown out.

With a sigh, the reindeer sat up and hopped off the bed, picking up his hat and pulling it down over his head as he moved to the door. Maybe by now every would have gone back to normal? That hope firmly in mind, Chopper made his way out to the lawn deck, expecting to find Luffy and Usopp running around or fishing. But... No. What he saw, was, in fact, a great disappointment: Luffy, sitting on the swing, kicking his feet without managing to actually _go_ anywhere, Robin sitting on the stairs reading, Nami leaning back against the bulwark to yell up at Zoro, who was sticking his head out of the hatch in the floor of the crows nest. They, too, were all forbidden from going within a meter of the galley.

No Usopp.

No Sanji.

No Franky.

And now no Brook! Had they caught him up in their little... whatever it was that was making them ignore everybody? How was that fair? Now everyone out here couldn't even listen to music! Chopper had really thought that spending so much time—'coz it was easily four hours—on the lower floors would have given everybody time to get back to _normal_. Four hours wandering around the Soldier Dock System, peeking into Franky and Usopp's workshops (which had proved pointless: he'd only risked their anger to look because he'd thought that maybe there was a clue in one of the rooms about what they were doing now), then the Aquarium Bar where he had sat down and drawn on some extra paper Nami had given him a few days ago, and then he'd gotten bored of that so he turned over and watched the fish swimming around... but that had scared him a little because after a while it started looking like _he_ was underwater, too, so _then_ he'd gone to the bedroom he shared with the other guys and gotten on his bed and maybe fallen asleep for a little while... He'd even skipped lunch just so he wouldn't get in their way! Just in case it was his fault...

But now he was back on deck and they were still inside and they'd taken one _more_ person. Let one more person other than Chopper into their little meeting-thingy... Maybe they really didn't want a blue-nose—_No! that's not it, there's gotta be something else. I'm a man, too!_ Despite this assurance, he couldn't come up with anything to explain the actions of his friends. His shoulders slumped, and he was just about to turn slouch back inside when Zoro called for him.

"Oi, Chopper! I could use some help up here."

Today had not been a happy day. It wasn't a bad one, just... un-fun. Just as he opened his mouth to give a response, the galley door slammed open, revealing a widely grinning Usopp, looking triumphant with his hand on his hips.

"Alright you jerks," he declared loudly. "Close your eyes and prepare yourself for the greatest spectacle your eyes will ever behold—!"

Immediately, the reindeer did as ordered, but judging by the arguments erupting around him, he had been the only one to follow the directive. Tired of all the trouble and honestly just wanting to know what the _hell_ the bastards had been doing all day—because now that they were done he realized he just should have been mad the whole time, so now he would make up for it—he decided to shut them up.

Growing to his highest height, he bellowed. "Just shut up already!"

"Thank you Chopper! Now, like I said—you too, Robin! Yes, like that, thank you—we have a surprise for you! Sanji! Franky! Brook!"

There was a bit of noise, like something of a scuffle, and then something flapped in the wind.

"Now, feast your eyes upon this!"

"Look, Nami-swan~! Robin-chwan~! Look what I did today~!"

"Oi, Nii-chan, you sure this was a good idea? We did kind of ignore them all day..."

"Hmm. Yes, Franky-san has made a rather valid point. They may not _want_ to celebrate with us, or partake of the feast that Sanji-san here—"

"Did you say FOOD?" Chopper's eyes flew open just in time to see Luffy jump off the swing and somehow twist in mid-air so he landed facing Sanji, Franky and Usopp, along with Brook—who were holding a banner, a cake, and violin respectively.

"Well, yeah... But the ladies get their food first!"

Chopper just stood there, staring as his mind raced and he strung together facts that had been eluding him all day. He had actually forgotten. How, he wasn't sure, but he'd forgotten that _today was Usopp's birthday_! And... And Sanji's, Brook's and Franky's were either coming up or had just past too, come to think of it.

"This is a surprise birthday party?" he squeaked, and the four had the sense to look a bit sheepish—after all, from his understanding, other people usually planned your surprise birthday, not you.

Various nods and murmured agreements.

"Well, kinda..."

"Yes, somewhat."

"Err..."

Usopp said the most, and it was the best thing to hear, too. "Obviously! And I know you've never been to a birthday party, Chopper! So we couldn't let you now what we were planning!"

Tears of happiness gathered in Chopper's eyes, and he suddenly found himself small, running across the deck and us the stairs, and then launching himself at Usopp's waist, bawling, but just sensible enough to think _I really need to look into this. People's bodies aren't supposed to move without their permission..._

"Habby Birfay!" he sobbed, and Usopp laughed, then patted Chopper's head.

"Thanks, Chopper—" he began, but was cut off by Luffy.

"Now that you guys are being all mystery-people, we can eat, right?" Sanji made a sound of agreement, but Chopper heard him take a few steps back. "Great. Sanji, FOOD! Brook, MUSIC!" This was met with no resistance, and soon the familiar strains of _Binks no Sake_ were floating warmly over the ship. "Now let's PARTY!"

Pulling back and wiping his eyes, Chopper gathered himself just enough to shout with everyone else, punching one hand in the air. "AYE!"

* * *

AN:

Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's couple minutes past, but today was hella busy. I feel fortunate to have finished at all. I'll edit this tomorrow to put in more AN stuff, like what I've normally got, maybe fix up anything I don't like in the story when I've got my senses about me, and answers to any anon. reviews, mmkay? Mmkay. Glad we agree. 'Til then, try and bear with it...

*yawns, walking off, and waves over shoulder*

Edit, a week later:

_"I could use some help up here."_

Zoro didn't actually need help with anything, but he didn't want Chopper to be lonely anymore. Isn't that cute? I think it's cute.

_Ja na!_ And Usopp, happy birthday!


	8. Still

In the anime, think of this as _before_ the filler where Brook reads Nami's records of their travels. Poor guy is clueless...

En route to Fishman Island, before they get near the Red Line.

Sadly, I did not gain the rights to One Piece overnight, which means that this is still by a fan, for fans...

Tagline: It isn't everyday that there is absolutely no motion on the Straw Hat pirate ship, the Sunny-go. Especially not at lunch...

Enjoy!

* * *

**Still**

It isn't everyday that there is absolutely no motion on the Straw Hat pirate ship, the Sunny-go. Especially not at lunch. Regardless of this fact, almost the entirety of the crew had gathered together, and were now staring, motionless, up at the sky. Brook did not know what had gotten into his nakama, and neither, it appeared, did Franky-san—the only other person who had not silently, automatically, moved closer to the others.

No, it wasn't everyday that the Straw Hat ship was silent and still.

It also wasn't everyday that night seemed to fall just as Sanji-san was serving lunch on the galley roof, but that had happened, too. In fact, it seemed to be what had caused such odd behavior in the seven people who had been in the crew the longest; as soon as a huge shadow had fallen over the sea, each of them had stilled, appearing frozen for jut a second before mechanically setting aside what they were holding. Down went Robin-san's book, the plate Sanji-san was offering to Nami-san, Zoro-san's newest sword, the Shuusui, Usopp-san's slingshot—even Luffy-san' meat!—and each person had moved to stand in the center of that upper deck before, as one, they turned their faces to the darkened sky.

With what Brook had no choice but to call 'bated breath' they stood. Waiting, it seemed, but for what? Their actions made less sense than the insanity that he had learned to consider daily life. But still they waited, staring up at the sky, for what seemed an eternity of silence.

A nudge brought his attention around to Franky-san, who raised a brow, also having understood that no one was to speak. _You know what this is about?_

Brook hesitated, then shook his head. _No idea whatsoever._ They shrugged at each other slightly, each man just raising his shoulders this slightest bit, before turning back to watch their nakama, wondering. The moment stretched into something almost tangible, but still they did not break ranks. What on earth could they possibly expect to happen? This was the Grand Line, odd occurrences were facts of life, unnatural weather patterns, curses... all things they should be used to by now. So what...?

In another second, he received his answer: the impossible. A _bell_ rang out across the sea, the beautiful note seeming to float down from the sky itself as though to reach their ears specifically—though of course, he had no ears... Clenching his teeth to bite back the laughter, shoulders shaking a bit, he watched his nakama as smiles grew on each of seven faces before they exploded into ecstatic action.

Luffy-san was the first, as the case seemed to usually be. "Sky Island!" he shouted, jumping about and punching his hands into the air happily. "RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!"

Loud as that bellow was, Sanji-san's shout drowned it out. "CONIS-CHWAAAAAN~~~! HOW ARE YOU~~?" The cook, too, began leaping about.

Which really seemed to be the signal, as everyone but Robin-san and Zoro-san, who just stood there and smiled, began shouting at the dark, singing sky.

"Gan Fall-san! Pierre!"

"Aisa! I hope you're doing alright!"

"Pagaya! Throw me down some more dials, will you?"

"Why didn't you tell us about the drop-off earlier, you jerks! We could've been killed!"

"Oi! Don't talk to Conis-chan like that"

"...Ero-cook, stay out of other people's conversations."

"What was that, marimo?"

"You heard me!"

On and on it went, for at least ten minutes—right up until the bell finally stopped ringing and Franky-san pointed out that the food would be getting cold by now. The group finally settled, sitting in a rough circle on the deck and talking and eating as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Which, in a way, was the truth: the extra-ordinary happened so often that it really was the norm, no matter how strange it may seem in comparison to typical behavior, because typical behavior was—

"Oi, Brook! Aren't you going to eat?"

"Ah, yes. Thanks for the food!"

* * *

AN:

He could have kept going. He wanted to, but I had Sanji shut him up, or it would have been too long and full of skull jokes. Really bad ones. I've had this idea floating around, but never from the POV for a specific person... so I figured I'd try one of the clueless duo.

I really can't think of anything that needs clearing up. It's mostly straightforward, isn't it? If you have any questions, though, I'll be more than happy to answer them! Oh, well, there is this one thing...

..._the extra-ordinary happened..._

I always think of Brook as speaking in a slightly more archaic, refined manner. As such, he wouldn't say 'extraordinary' as one word, it would be separated into the two root words.

* * *

pikinanou: Yay! Yeah, Usopp is like that... always doin' things his own insane way.

Mmkay. That's all.

_Ja na!_


	9. What?

Yes, a post! A-mazing, isn't it? Spur of the moment, but I think it's cute. In fact, I may have had a bit too much fun with this, because Luffy amuses me to no end.

RA: This is Post-Arabasta, with so few specifics that it could quite literally be _any_ time and place. One tiny spoiler about Luffy's father's father. And when I say tiny, I mean utterly inconsequential. Seriously.

By a fan, for people who are reading it, so they're probably fans, but who knows? I don't own One Piece, and I don't want to. I'd take Sanji though. And Usopp. And Ace. And... XD I'm sure you know what I mean.

Tagline: Really, it was nothing new. But had the Marines always been this stupid?

Enjoy!

* * *

**What?**

Nothin' new. Fighting with a bunch of guys in white and blue, that is. The battle right now was easy and sorta fun because they were so many to knock down all at once—like that game Usopp had told him about, bo-lling or whatever. So fun, but nothing new. Luffy and his nakama ended up duking it out with some Marines all the time, even when he tried not to start something. Like back in Arabasta—that had been just crazy, getting spotted by Smokey _twice_. Imagine! It was embarrassing. The guy was obviously very, very focused or very, very, _very_ creepy. Whatever it was, the Marines had never really been a challenge, just an issue. After all this time, they still just kind of got on Luffy's nerves—even the good ones (the guys who didn't go around hurting people who hadn't hurt them first) like Smokey and, though he didn't want to admit it, his grandpa. Because they always followed him around! Or attacked, or got in his way, or something... and it was annoying. Really, really annoying.

But they were stubborn, and he could respect that. Marines didn't give up—or at least the good ones didn't. Not ever! It was kinda cool.

But he never knew the Marines were so stupid! These guys weren't changing what they did at all, just kept trying the same thing over and over and over and over and over and it still wasn't working! They had to be crazy or something. Really, really crazy. Or stupid. And they seemed normal enough, so Luffy guessed that they were just dumb. Think, Nami would prob'ly call them. Think like Zoro, 'cuz they were all using swords and stuff—though not three of course, so they weren't nearly as cool, and Luffy's bet that none of them were going to be the best in the world. (Obviously. That was Zoro, duh!)

Well, the stupid ones were, and just kept swinging them around and around without ever managing to actually hit anything that was moving. Did that have something to do with it? Did swords make people stupid? Maybe, but it didn't really matter much.

Because they were still being dumb, and he was getting bored now so he'd _really_ have to kick these guys' asses. But when he told them that, they got angry. Especially that big guy. The one with guns strapped to his belt, who the other Marines were cheering on and calling captain.

Oh. Well, that sure explained the attitude.

He was getting closer now, and he was _really_ loud. Like, shouting even though Luffy could hear him pretty well already. "_You're_ going to kick _our_ asses? HA! I'd like to see you TRY!" he yelled.

So Luffy shrugged and yelled back. "OKAY! It'll be easy!"

The Captain Yells-A-Lot missed a step and almost fell on his face. How did he get that promotion? Was he like Morgan or something? Nah, his soldiers looked happy to see him. That was a good sign, anyway.

Yells-A-Lot caught himself though, and then glared like Luffy'd been the one to attack them instead of how it actually happened. "I beg your pardon?" were the next bellowed words.

Why was he...? Well, that didn't make sense, especially because he didn't look like he was... Luffy did what he always did when things didn't make sense: tilted his head to the side and crossed his arms, staring really hard. (It made him think better... Or at least that's what he thought. Or was he thinking that now...?) But it didn't work, so he just did what he always did when that didn't work and asked.

"You're begging my pardon?" Y-A-L nodded. "Why? It's not worth that much."

Which apparently made him even more mad, 'cuz his face started changing colors and for a second Luffy thought he should maybe call Chopper over to make sure he was okay, because he was _pretty_ sure that faces weren't supposed to be purple. But then, maybe he was some weird kind of fish-man and his skin changed colors when he got angry? So yeah, Yal got all purple and mad and pulled out two of his guns and shot at Luffy.

Which made him laugh, because shouldn't the Marines have figured out that that _didn't work on him_ by now?

* * *

AN:

Like I said, had too much fun.

_...Yal got all purple..._

Just in case someone _didn't _get it, Luffy shortened the 'name' of the Marine every time he referred to him.

_Ja na!_


	10. Way

So, yeah, whatever. I walked through the living room and my dad was watching a show with these two people running around a room, sweating and swearing. The guy ran over to a wall and pressed his hands to it, and casually tossed a certain phrase over his shoulder. It struck me as a very valid point, so I thought I'd do with all my valid points these days.

Give it to you guys for fan-fodder. ;P

I'm listening to Bo Burnham and Lily Allen right now, so if this is really offensive (it shouldn't be, but who knows?) then it _isn't my fault_ so just tell me and I'll go put my subconscious mind in time-out, okay? On another note, I should _really_ be doing homework right now, but my essay writing mind has gone to sleep for the time being. So ya'll get this. Heads up: this could be _any_ time and from pretty much _anyone's_ perspective. Literally.

Well, except for... Ah, but I'll let you figure that out, if you want. One Piece isn't mine, and I'm getting tired of writing disclaimer so I'm not going to every chapter.. just know that this is not a notification of sudden ownership, rather an attempt to save time. (Trust me, if I wake up owning OP you all will be the first ones to know, I swear!)

Tagline: The Straw Hats are in a trap. AGAIN.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Way**

We are in a trap again. Which is awful enough as it, but this one is just... creepy in a way that none before have been. This one isn't even dark, just... black. There's no light, and I'm not even sure how we got in, because there's sure as hell no sign of any light from the edges of a trapdoor or anything. I know it isn't directly above us or anything because we slid down a chute or slide or some-such thing before the free-fall to the hard ground started, but it's got to be up there. The situation doesn't make sense, and it not making sense just makes everything worse in here, down in this little, oddly-shaped pit.

Odd pit indeed. Not just the shape, some _thing_ with more than enough small sides and edges and bench-like things for all of us to have our own little wall (at least according to our clumsy exploration after we got dropped in here on our asses) but... I press my hand to the ground by my hip, then slide it up to the wall behind me. Yep, both are smooth as anything I could think of. More so maybe, but what if... I knock on the wall.

Damn. Sturdy, too. It doesn't sound hollow at all. One of the others—his voice bounces so much I can hardly even tell who it is, let alone _where_ he is, asks what I'm doing, and when I tell him I am, of course, overheard. Which seems to mean 'okay, time to freak out' to about two-fifths of us, as the previous, suffocating silence gives way to the shouts of anxiety, cusses, echoing bellows that it was working so hard to keep at bay. My head pounds no matter how hard I tried to ignore them, to block out the shouting and fighting... and the sound of a few attacks being tried on the walls.

One of which hits me and sends me flying. The person I land on swears, smacks me _hard_, and shoves me off them. Because, of course it was _my_ fault that this was happening.

Naturally.

Shooting a dark glare at where I think they are, I scoot along the wall, keeping my back pressed to it and hoping that I don't bump into anyone else. Who knows how long later, they finally start quieting down. Or rather, a few of them stop yelling and start crying instead. I twitch—no matter what I say or don't say, I just plain don't like it when my nakama cry; it doesn't matter who it is. I just don't like it, even when they're just joking.

And they aren't joking right now. I let possibilities run through my head. Something needs to calm them down, and no one else is doing anything, so _I_ may as well... But how are you supposed to comfort crying pirates?

Eventually I stand and shove one hand through my hair. Grabbing my stuff, I turn to face the wall I was leaning against.

"We're getting out of here." Like I figured before I spoke, they start yelling at me. Every word, be it painfully hopeful or rude and scornful, echos to my ears, so I eventually yell at them to "shut up, will you" and amazingly it works.

"That's better," I tell them, but then the self-elected voice of pessimism speaks up.

"There's no way out, though."

I think on that for just moment, old sayings flashing through my head. _Where there's a will there's a way. You miss one hundred percent of the chances you don't take. _Stupid things like that, and everything tin between. Eventually I settle on just telling them the truth as I see it.

"We got in, didn't we? There's an entrance?" There are murmurs of agreement and I smile. They aren't happy that I've got something figured out and they don't. "Then there's an exit."

Silence for a moment, then a cheer as my nakama all push to their feet behind me.

* * *

AN:

This is pretty clear-cut, isn't it? I think it is. Well, there's a few vagaries, but that's kind of the point. I know whose POV this is, and that's all that's really needed since it doesn't actually play a major part in it. Like I said though, if you want to figure it out, feel free to guess—I'll tell you if you're right.

The theme was either the blatantly obvious 'Trap' or the cliched 'No Way Out', both of which are perfectly marvelous and valid, but... I'm only using one-word themes in this series of shorts, as you may've noticed. So for this I decided to use the slightly more optimistic prompt 'Way'. Because in the end there, there _is_ one, that's what this is about...!

Oh, and to those it may concern, I plan on updating 'Getting to Know You' this weekend, because I'll have the time, no homework... and just over 100 hits. I'm not even going to _think_ about how many hits _this_ story's got. But lemme just say: THANK YOU!

Okay. I'm going to bed. Wish me luck on my math test in the morning! XD

_Ja na!_


	11. Expectations

Long time no see? Eh? Eh? No? Ah well. At least some of you must've read my profile and as such know that I'm a senior. Well, the school year is ending, so that means **a lot** of work, and business, and stress, and such.

But hey, if I were most of the girls at my school I would be making sure all my "Prom-plans" are "Prom-perfect". (Cue shudder.) Instead, I'm posting a short. See? I **do** love you! Or maybe I just love One Piece... XD Which I don't own. Sadly.

This has kinda-sorta-but-not-really spoilers for Arabasta. It's also a bit incoherent, and quite possibly full or typos, but my knee, wrist, brain, and ankle hurt too much for me to care right now.

Tagline: There are some expectations it's okay to not always meet, just like there are some expectations you know will be met.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Expectations**

Many are those who, like yourselves, have asked me how it feels—living as one of the Straw Hat pirates. They want to know what their saviors do for fun, how they resolve conflicts of interest, and other such things. Whenever presented with this question, I can't help but to laugh. Some become offended, believing (no matter how I apologize or try to express the truth) that I laugh at them, while other seem to understand that I am simply recalling some fond memory and show such gracious patience that I thank them once I've calmed. Some are amused by my tales, others lash out at me, refusing to believe that their princess could possibly act in the manner I so honestly describe. Some find my tendency to inadvertently switch to a plural endearing, and others are confused by it; how could I possibly refer to myself and a vicious group of pirates as 'we'? So many different reactions from so many different people, even though you all ask the same question. So different—but one thing holds true no matter who they are or how they react to my words: they all have a certain idea of what we're like and what we do, and how we live our everyday lives, though that idea differs greatly.

These ideas, these expectations, are most always wrong.

On a ship like Merry, with a group like ours, there were more fights then bonding moments, and more bonding moments than silences. More silence than peace, though so many in other lives consider them to be synonymous.

Luffy-san is entirely insane, and the smartest man I've yet had the privilege to meet—unintelligent as he is. He's so loud, running around the deck shouting with or at Tony-kun and Usopp-san. They only times he wasn't being whole-heartedly foolish was when he was fighting—fighting for our country, fighting for the nakama he and I share... Fighting for me.

They all fought for me with everything they had. My precious nakama, who each brought something special when they boarded that ship. See, there's Sanji-san with his inane flirtations, Usopp-san with his knocking knees and brave determination. Nami with her temper and empathy, Tony-kun with his warm heart and that sweet thirst to prove himself, and even hard-headed, egotistical, willful, recklessly, carelessly, _stupidly_ fearless Zoro.

He always reminded me of Kohza, I tell those who are willing to listen—it's the only way to give them any idea of just what kind of person the swordsman is. So blind, at times. Emotional. So brave, the both of them, that it almost hurt to watch. Born leaders, motivational speakers, scarred, disciplined, with this natural confidence evident in their easy gait. And that's not where the similarities between my family in Arabasta and my nakama on the sea end.

Sanji-san is disturbingly like Pell; incredibly kind, helpful, and painfully willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for you without thinking anything of it.

Tony-kun is something like Igaram at times—protective and nurturing, and so, _so_ entertaining.

Nami is just as opinionated as Chaka, just as quick-thinking and logical, and so devoted to her cause—or her friend's—and to the greater good.

Usopp-san, oddly enough, reminded me of nurturing, amusing, panicky, reliable Toto-san.

Needless to say, Luffy-san reminded me of my father.

Is it any wonder that I bonded with them? That they became my nakama so quickly? We went through so much together, so quickly, but that was my life, and I would never have asked for anything else—there are no better friends to find, no kinder, more generous people alive. There are days when I wish I had gone with them, though I will never admit that to my father, so you _must_ keep it secret lest he discover and think me unhappy.

I'm not. I just wish, some days, when I stand on my balcony and stare out across the vast and wavering desert to the glistening sea, or when I sit on the shore with the salt-air brushing over my face and whipping my hair around me, when I dream of a light on the dark, raging sea, that... That I'd had a bit more time out there, on that blue world, with those purely lovely people. It isn't that I don't love it here, in my homeland, with all of you; I really do. This is where I'm meant to be.

It's just hard, because I know that _they_ are the people I'm meant to be with.

So, no, they don't meet anyone's expectations, because they don't care about them. My nakama and I live our lives the way we want to, and help people along the way. And yes, I do expect—_believe_—that someday they will come back.

And on that day, I will go with them.

To the sea.

* * *

AN:

Now, who do I really love? _Vivi._ Now, just in case you didn't get it, this is Viv talking to some random Arabastan children, and maybe their parents, answering their questions—except she gets off track and nostalgic. The title refers to the expectations about the crew as well as her own about them returning.

_He always reminded me of Kohza..._

Well, I'm not really shipping ZoVi or ViRo or _whatever_ it's called, I do think that she holds him in a different esteem than the rest. Maybe because of what happened on Little Garden, or when they had to leave Luffy. And since I am absolutely, _totally_, _**whole-heartedly **_shipping Vivi and Kohza, I drew that comparison. I was a bit surprised by how much they have in common to my way of thinking. And since I'm the one writing her, to Vivi's way of thinking.

_Sanji -san is disturbingly... willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for you without thinking anything of it._

See the works of one dandywonderous for further point-making on this topic; I have nothing to say that Dandy hasn't already ranted about eloquently... or not-so-eloquently, as the case may be.

_Needless to say, Luffy reminded me of my father._

Oh, come on. If you think about it, you'll get it, I think. Probably. I believe in you!

_To the sea._

Out of everything she says, this is one of my all-time favorite lines of hers. So, as I am wont to do, I used it. _Shamelessly_.

_Ja na!_


	12. Multitasking

Oh, it's been _ages_, dahling, simply _ages_. But I've been either busy, uninspired, or incapacitated since whenever I last posted. I am sorry, just not particularly repentant. ;P It might be because I have the song I Love My Wife from _I Do, I Do_ stuck in my head.

This could take place at a variety of points in cannon, filler, and fanfiction but which technically occurs on Sky Island. There aren't really any spoilers, I don't think. At least, nothing too specific. Think of all this being before Wyper wakes up, because when he does Sanji is dancing around the bonfire like a loon.

And as always, feel free to mention any typos or whatever!

Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

**Multitasking**

There were times when one couldn't help but be impressed by Sanji's ability to multitask, and this was one of them. It was three hours after everything had calmed down. The fights were over and the wounds patched up which meant, of course, that it was time to celebrate. There would be dancing and shouting and stories and somersaults and singing—although in Luffy's case the word was used generously—and chopsticks up the nose. And there would be eating.

Lots and lots of eating.

But before that could happen, the food had to be cooked, and Sanji was, of course, the one for the job. He had never once failed the crew when it came time to feast after a victory (and they were always victorious) and this day would be no exception. The ever-hungry pirate captain would have his meat. Usopp would have a grand meal that entirely lacked the hated mushrooms, as would Chopper. Nami and Robin would have the choicest cuts of meat and the juiciest fruits and the highest-quality greens to ever grace a plate. Zoro would have (if he ever woke up) a meal so chock-full of calories it was very nearly unhealthy, as well as a few well-hidden sources of dairy and an admittedly excessive number of mushrooms (well, where did you think they went?). The rest of the party, the miscellaneous friends and allies they had made throughout their most recent undertaking, would have the best, largest, healthiest, most delicious meal of their lives.

If only things weren't more complicated than usual...

See, due to the circumstances surrounding that day's adventure and the sheer number of people the party would be held outside. And the cooking was done where the party was, always, so everything was served fresh. Well, since the party started when the cooking did, that meant Sanji was surrounded by friends, strangers, animals, and nakama alike—the last two being, in some cases, easily confused. While this would distract many a cook, Sanji was not one of them. Not when he could help it, in any case.

It wasn't three minutes after Sanji put the first ingredients together that Luffy bounded over, tongue hanging out of his mouth, salivating and demanding

FOOD!

with Chopper and Usopp hot on his heels. They joined the chorus of _food, Sanji, food! food, Sanji, food!_ faster then you could say 'Davy Back'. He tried to placate them with a calm reassurance that there would be tidbits ready soon, and then that didn't work Sanji, still adding ingredients to the bowl in his arms, spun around on one foot and smashed the other into his rubbery-captain's side. The boy went flying, the cook threatened the other two, and they left him alone for a good four and a half minutes so he assumed his expression must have been a scary one indeed.

Then they were back. Sanji turned and, without sparing them a glance, handed them a plate of snacks and instructing Usopp to make _certain_, on pain of death, that Nami and Robin each got at least one. When Nami sidled over to give her thanks she got heartfelt assurance that it was no problem, he was happy to do it. When Zoro sidled over to criticize said heartfelt assurance he got a foot in the face and a knife-brandishing promise of say that again marimo, he'll skin his hide.

The swordsman attacked. The cook blocked with one foot, carefully set down the knife, then retaliated. The navigator hit them both over the head, and that was that.

Then the Moron Trio were back. Sanji fended them off with one foot and stirred the pot with one hand while jostling the frying pan with the other. His other foot was used to keep him standing, because falling face-first into a pan of hot onions was very much not his idea of a fun time. The captain, very much like the swordsman, got a foot in the face while the other two got a lecture on the virtues of patience. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper meandered away, scuffing their flip-flops, shoes, and hooves respectively and pouting. Robin called out to the cook, inquiring as to when the main course would be ready. Sanji turned to smile at her and croon a response.

As he did so he stamped his foot like a child throwing a temper tantrum and listened with no little satisfaction to Luffy's resulting cry of pain.

Ten minutes later Sanji saw a small brown limb try to swipe a drumstick. He frowned and tensed, preparing to take action as soon as the morsel was in the thief's grasp because until then it was only an attempt at larceny. However, the limb in question was too short; it couldn't reach. Sanji shook his head and smiled and nudged the food closer to the little doctor. It was bumped into and gone in less than two seconds. A count of ten while Sanji sliced a few carrots and a triumphant chant of _I did it I did it_ reached his ears. Then a _hey, Luffy, that's mine_ and a groan of disappointment.

Thirty minutes and countless bowls of stew later he moved on to the second set of onions, which he cut with his eyes closed because, honestly, he didn't actually need to see to cut a vegetable and he _really_ didn't want to start crying in front of the girls, who were on their way over. He finished that job in short order, just in case, and was scrapping the last of the diced onions off the butting board and into the pan by the time Nami and Robin reached his cooking-station. The three of them had a nice chat while he arranged their plates with heart-cut carrots, and slightly frilly-with-lettuce shish-kabobs. Nami took a bit, then commented as she walked away that he had out-done himself. He swooned his delight, ignored the concerned stares and whispers of non-nakama witnesses to his little fit of _mellorine!_, and grinned shamelessly when Robin, too, commented on the quality of the meal.

As he grinned, though, he subtly replaced the meat-kabob he'd prepared for Luffy with a veggie-cabob he'd prepared for one of their new friends. Then he switched it back and put pepper on the meat. A _lot_ of pepper. A hand appeared seemingly out of nowhere, closed around the end of the stick, and disappeared back into the crowd. Seconds later there was a _supremely_ satisfying round of sneezing and wheezing and gasping for breath; the only drawback was the worried exclamation from Chopper. Zoro mentioned as he passed by with a sneer firmly in place that Sanji was careless and stupid for worrying the reindeer. Sanji silently agreed, but attacked anyway...

* * *

Two hours, 213 shish-kabobs, 94 second-helpings of stew, 67 compliments, 48 grating rounds of Usopp's personal ballads, 26 lectures or manners, 15 fits of love, 19 resulting brawls with Zoro, three well-meaning local assistant chefs who'd had no clue what they were signing up for and would never make the mistake of doing so (but he appreciated the thought) again, and a whopping three-hundred and ninety-_seven_ attempted thefts by Luffy _alone_ later, Sanji sat down and ate.

* * *

AN:

While the style is a bit off from my dialogue-laden norm, I'm quite happy with how this turned out.

_...a grand meal that entirely lacked the hated mushrooms, as would Chopper._

I subscribe to dandy's theory that Chopper dislikes mushrooms. I mean, it makes sense, you know?

_As he did so he stamped his foot like a child throwing a temper tantrum and listened with no little satisfaction to Luffy's cry of pain._

Can you say, stretchy-time? Sanji can.

_Ja na!_


End file.
